Grapevine Guru Gifts

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Oh Hi!'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Agricultural Psychology

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

Guru.

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

Red Wine

OM, SWEET OM

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"