Grape Gurus Gifts

"Are you really sure we're supposed to give points for sound?"

'This time I'm voting for sour grapes.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

A giant glass of red wine

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

The Grapes of Wrath finally get some professional help.

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Thanks for inventing the god Dionysus. Now the whole country has a reason to drink more wine."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."