Grape Geek Gifts

"Listen up, everybody—Charles is going to fill us in about the Grenache grape."

Wine tasting for beginners

"I heard about the California wine glut and I'm committed to doing my part to end it."

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

'Consumers want so much information about where the wine comes from, we've had to start numbering the grapes.'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Best wines book

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I come here for the pepper."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Can you recommend a wine that would compliment a divorce?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

Sales.

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Around here it got a little tricky...

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'