Grape Geek T-Shirts

"Listen up, everybody—Charles is going to fill us in about the Grenache grape."

Wine tasting for beginners

"I heard about the California wine glut and I'm committed to doing my part to end it."

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

'Consumers want so much information about where the wine comes from, we've had to start numbering the grapes.'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Best wines book

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

Wine Lady

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"I come here for the pepper."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Sales.

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

Around here it got a little tricky...

'What do you mean, the chart resembles an iceberg?'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

A giant glass of red wine

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'