Grape Juice Guru Gifts

'He drinks the wine and then lays it down.'

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

Red Wine

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

Wino Appreciation Group

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"Wine is plant-based food."

"Can you recommend a suitable white wine to drink with my red wine?"

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

The staple grains tended to look down on the more specialized fare... like quinoa.

Why Rome Fell:'Peel you a grape? Don't you know that the skin is where all the vitamins are?'

Wine: New and Old.

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"I'd say my favourite wine is the sixth one."