Grape Juice Expert Gifts

'I hate making decisions - just bring me a bottle of each.'

In the Guru District

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine Lady

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Wine tasting

Red Wine

"I spent all day looking for this Malbec, not that anybody cares."

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

Wino Appreciation Group

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"