Grape Stomping Guru Gifts

Creative labeling

"My husband makes this wine."

Pete Townshend Vineyards

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Oh Hi!'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'There's something hauntingly familiar about the bouquet.'

"Is Pinot Noir where you want to be?"

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"I make it myself!"

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

kangaroos hopping around in a vat of grapes to make wine for Australian wine company.

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

'Who's the new guy?'

'We outsource our grape juice, marketing, bottling and distribution, and yet he's supposed to give a speech tonight on winemaking - bosses,outsources,outbetter show him what a grape looks like.'

Red Wine

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'Tell us what you've done with all the grass!'

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

Nouveau wine

'You know, this is the 2nd bottle of this I've opened, and I still have no idea what it tastes like.'

'I think we can skip the resume.'