Garden Philosopher Gifts

Utopiary - Dystopiary.

Leaf Blowers: Loudly making yard work someone else's problem since the 1960's.

'The gardener in him sold out to the nature-conservationist.'

'Sigh, I think people only appreciate me for my looks, not my brains.'

'You were right - it's shallow rooting but spreading'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Garden Shop: Growin' and Rarin' to Grow

'She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...'

"It's not garden decking. The wind blew the fence down last night."

"Hmmm, not sure I trust that kale."

"It seems that a flower is just a weed in drag!"

"One man's apocalypse is another man's mandate."

"I'm trying to acquire a taste for weeds. It's the only thing that seems to grow in our garden. If I can't beat them, I might as well join them."

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Actually, I don't mind picking up leaves. It stops me from following politics."

Stop and Smell the Roses

'Look on the bright side - it used to be marigolds.'

Cloche rainwear

'I can't imagine why I have geraniums growing out of my head. Doctor - I plated cucumbers.'

'I'm just sayin', with this cute little face and my big fluffy tail, I never really thought of myself as vermin!'

'It's like this, Harry -- I'm in the full bloom of life, and I don't need any more of your fertilizer.'

How come when dad has to weed it's 'a waste of his time', but when I have to weed it's 'building my character'?

'And just how long have your melons been thumping back, Mrs. Thayer?'

"I know how you feel, but it's what he would have wanted."

"You've got to stop and eat the roses."

Man watering with the 'Theory of Natural selection'.

'Hello, Daphne, could you let your Au Pair sunbathe in the garden? I want Morris to mow the lawn'.

"Fall makes him sad."

'I hate you spider.'

Hardy Annuals

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

My people came from a paradise. We were all rich, well-educated homeowners who spoke English. Really? Of course not! It was a censored hole! We were all little censored who escaped, came here, and made this place censored too! Funny thing about censored when you spread it around and give it time, it sprouts roses. I thought you weren't supposed to use censored on flowers 'cause of parasites. All metaphors break down at some point. But you get the idea.

With a fresh, homegrown tomato tasting this fantasic, it makes no sense that "garden variety" means "ordinary"!

As a flower, being picked first is not a goal that I aspire to.

"Sometimes I feel like salting myself."