Farmyard Philosopher Gifts

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

'Decisions, decisions, decisions.'

"Did we really need a company newsletter?"

Old MacDonald had a farm, ee-yi-ee-yi-oh, and on that farm he had a mirror...

Pork Stock Exchange

Poultry Reading: 'Lo, Ye Sky, It Falls! Verily it does, watch ye out!'

'Sure, I'm rich because I lay Golden-Eggs, but the downside is that I will never have children...'

'Somehow Betty escaped the Kitchen and ran to warn the others - no one would listen.'

'You're my first...unless you count artificial insemination.'

"Yes, the farmer having eggs and bacon at breakfast is worrying, but at least, it's not life threatening for me..."

Hey I've found a worm...

Sheep trying to go to sleep.

'So the egg WAS first.'

'How long have you been cross-dressing?'

Farmer tacking up signs in Dairy barn.

It MUST be Valentines Day!

Pig funerals.

'Cows are getting mad cow disease. Chickens are getting the flu. I hope my pigs don't find out.'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"I don't mind being butchered. But I can't stand the thought of my legs going in one box, my breast in another, my wings in another. . ."

Hitting the Grass Ceiling

'Until we had our own chickens, we just felt like tacit supporters of the whole Military-Poultry-Complex thing.'

'Are you decent'

'The effects of winter weather on the lambing season has disastrous side effects.'

I wonder if there's life as we know it on other planets.

'We'll leave the corn alone if you never tell that dumb story about Dorothy and Toto again.'

I see Jerry's had a heart attack!

'I'm told they even eat our arthritic knuckles.'

'First of all, I want you to know that my door is always open...'

'She was 'sorry she spoke'.'

"On weekends I'm feral."

"My advice is enjoy it while you're livestock."

"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."