Soporific Skeptic Gifts

'I'm stupid Why have I taken a soporific'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

Alternative Medicine

"God works in mysterious ways."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Too much Omega 3.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"I totally meant to do that."

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."