Someone With A Neighbor Gifts

Argentea Vulgaris

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'That's the last time I ask you to tie my shoe laces!'

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"He ran out of pee."

Introducing Life Alarm for people who have fallen but don't want to get up.

A senior moment.

"Trust me – she's a witch."

"60 Fortune 500 companies paid no federal taxes last year. . . meanwhile, thanks to a lack of funding, I no longer get dessert in my meals on wheels."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"Mr. Swinehart has just crossed Route 36 at Goshen Junction. We are all expected, in exactly eighteen minutes, to greet him as he comes down the driveway."

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.

'I wish I knew now what I knew then...'

'How did you cope before 24-hour rolling gossip?'

'He's training for a career in law.'

'These are your parking charges.'

Screenior citizen

'Want to have a snowball fight?'

"When you adopt a dog from a rescue centre you never know what bad habits they might have."

Baldo's Life is Sweet Moment: When your new best friends down the street install a swimming pool.

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

Pavlov's neighbor gets a wind chime.

"Don't worry about him. It's all a bluff."

"You know you're old when you have to warm up just to take out the garbage."

'I occasionally go out for a walk, and I buy groceries every two weeks or so. I wonder if I qualify as a recluse.'

Bloke trimming hedge to look like neighbour/wife.

'This is the last time I'm walking the dog! Our neighbor told me if spot poops on his lawn again, he's going to rub MY nose in it!'

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'