Pet-owning Neighbor Gifts

"Officer, my cat's stuck up a tree again"

"You want twenty bones delivered? Are you sure Mr Jones? You usually order two bones a week."

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

$1: Family Secrets

Cats on Board.

'Out, damned Spot.'

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"He ran out of pee."

Sure, I'll sit, but I want half the treat upfront.

'I'm Marcus and I'll be listening in on your conversations this evening.'

Why cat yoga classes don't work

"This neighborhood has a strong sense of community that borders on siege mentality."

'Be careful what you say around Marjorie...'

'It's the people downstairs again.'

"I'll tell you the same thing everybody's telling Donald Trump - stop your damn tweeting!"

Man look over neighbours fence at a man mowing his lawn. He is wearing a suit of armour to protect him from stones being thrown up by mower.

'Want to have a snowball fight?'

'The fee? Well, let's give the old wheel a spin and see what comes up!'

"When you adopt a dog from a rescue centre you never know what bad habits they might have."

"Let me through, I'm a busybody."

'Any idea where my night vision visor is?'

Pavlov's neighbor gets a wind chime.

"Don't worry about him. It's all a bluff."

'Next please.'

'Just so you know, I've no intention of sharing a home with either children or cats.'

"I understand everything he says, but I've found that maintaining a blank expression results in less work."

Bloke trimming hedge to look like neighbour/wife.

I hate jacuzzi day.

Computer games you can play with your dog: Disk toss.

Nice to see you!