Softball Skeptic Gifts

"The only time I step up to the plate is when it's loaded with food."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

Baseball players and their qualifications.

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

End of football season - UK

'The game went into extra innings.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

"OK, I'll be the one to say it. With all due respect, sir, that is one heck of a big 'if!'"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"Your being on the company softball team gives me the opportunity to trade you."

'Seeking female companion, who can handle a fungo bat...'

"That was two what?"

Gigantic Titan Inc personnel: 'We have plenty of computer nerds! What we need is jocks to make our softball team more competitive!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

Boss with PROFITS chart, going down: 'We need to stop hiring people on how well they play softball!'

"These numbers are great! How did you folks turn our manufacturing division around so quickly?"

"The shipping industry has a name for the bold type of corporate restructuring we're about to undertake..."