Softball Skeptic Gifts

"The only time I step up to the plate is when it's loaded with food."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"A game similar to baseball was first played in the Olympics in 1996." I didn't think "Jeapardy!" had any softball questions.

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

'The game went into extra innings.'

End of football season - UK

University Staff Softball League Schedule. A group of people doing ecological studies is playing the DNA research team. Ah, heredity versus environment!

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"OK, I'll be the one to say it. With all due respect, sir, that is one heck of a big 'if!'"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

"Your being on the company softball team gives me the opportunity to trade you."

Who won what game?

"These numbers are great! How did you folks turn our manufacturing division around so quickly?"

"That was two what?"

Boss with PROFITS chart, going down: 'We need to stop hiring people on how well they play softball!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

'Seeking female companion, who can handle a fungo bat...'

Gigantic Titan Inc personnel: 'We have plenty of computer nerds! What we need is jocks to make our softball team more competitive!'

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'