Softball All-star Gifts

Boss with PROFITS chart, going down: 'We need to stop hiring people on how well they play softball!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

The game is tied, and this is the final inning because the sun is setting. I understand, coach, I need to get home before dark!

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Football team discussions.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'This will be tough. The parents can handle Bs and Cs, but I really gotta spin this D in math.'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"A game similar to baseball was first played in the Olympics in 1996." I didn't think "Jeapardy!" had any softball questions.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

'I can just see him twenty years down the road pitching for the Giants.'

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

'The game went into extra innings.'

University Staff Softball League Schedule. A group of people doing ecological studies is playing the DNA research team. Ah, heredity versus environment!

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

'Ouch! I thought this was supposed to be 'softball'?'

Gigantic Titan Inc personnel: 'We have plenty of computer nerds! What we need is jocks to make our softball team more competitive!'

'Seeking female companion, who can handle a fungo bat...'

Who won what game?

"Your being on the company softball team gives me the opportunity to trade you."

"That was two what?"

"Ethics? It's that little comic book on the end there."

Influences.

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"Miss Lopez said she wanted the best student in class to stand up and read their English essay. Then she asked me to do it!"

"Most unusual stance: lefty batting backwards."

'Wait ... Nobody brought a ball? Now what are we going to do for all eternity?'

And with this turn of events, Scooter and Huck began to consider other forms of recreation... softball, perhaps.

Ace Investments - Tonight: financial advisors' softball league - small caps vs. big caps