Softball Player Gifts

"Most unusual stance: lefty batting backwards."

'The game went into extra innings.'

The third baseman.

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"That was two what?"

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Perils of the double play.

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

The Other Cooperstown

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Currently Boston

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

Zeus injects himself with steroids before throwing lightning bolts

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"I thought it was a strike, Troy—but ask your mother."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"