Social Skeptic Gifts

"We really must be going. Phillip has an uncanny sense of when to leave a party."

"We're trying to come up with a less offensive term for 'political correctness.'"

IQ Test: If it's on Facebook it must be true

They may be her friends, but they have the veracity of spies.

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"Sorry, I don't do small talk."

"I heard dad say that he gives his thanks at the end when everybody finally goes home. . ."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

Alternative Medicine

"God works in mysterious ways."

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

Politicians are from Uranus.

The Mainstream

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

"I totally meant to do that."

A man without a chicken on his head!

'It may look that way... But actually, I'm an atheist

"and what are you giving up for lent, Reverend?" "Religion"