Socializing Skeptic Gifts

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"God works in mysterious ways."

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

The Mainstream

All-Purpose Obamatoon

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

A man without a chicken on his head!

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

'Really! - you have an aim in life - how quaint!'

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

Conformity

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Expert examining painting: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid it's a fake."

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

"My teacher says I lack 'intellectual curiosity,' whatever that is."

Quiz Today. I don't remember clicking of any terms of agreement that cover this!

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

'I've had raging hormones for the last 80 years.'

"Having received your offer of friendship, and after due consideration and given the fact that I don't know you from a bar of soap, I must inform you that I will be declining your request."

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

Psychiatry. I'm starting to take it personally when people say we have a representative government.

"Our integrated approach to medicine skillfully combines an array of holistic alternative treatments with a sophisticated computerized billing service."

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

"Please excuse, Tom, Mom and Dad! He's worked the last ten years in a large city hospital and has no practice with chit chat!"

Get rich today with cold fusion tomorrow! Invest now!: 'More like con - fusion! He's a con artist!'

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

Your dire prediction in this space. 1-555-826-1000

REPORT CARD, 'Maybe it got garbled in transmission.'