Soccer Joke Connoisseur Gifts

Funky Facts: Football.

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

"When did this game get started?"

Football Bomb

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

Ref shows footballer green card.

"I asked for a Hexagon and you built me a pentagon - of course you cut corners!"

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

'Remember it's YOUR benefit game-go out and foul whoever you like!'

'You see, I would make a great goalkeeper...'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

Vuvuzela bin.

After review, the replay confirms a touchdown, and also that big, jiggly bellies look hilarious in slow motion.

Brazil vs Germany

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

FIFA scandal

"Hey, after this, do you want to walk into a bar?"

What's that annoying buzzing noise? (Vuvuzelas)

'You can't go around writing graffiti on every wall you see!' (Football defensive wall).

A man on the corner sells 'Lead Balloons' with a sign 'Lead Balloons great for parties!'

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

'Football school pranks'

'Nesbitt will do all our Monday morning quarterbacking.'

'Bavetta! The foul is called 'holding.' Stop calling it 'touchy-feely.''

Ruud Gullit's 'sexy football'

'We're the only country where cats refer to this as playing with a ball of string. Everywhere else it's known as football.'

'When you've got a minute, give this a bowl of milk.'