Joking Soccer Fan Gifts

"Why are you using your phone during the match?"

Funky Facts: Football.

Alternative fielding positions

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

'You see, I would make a great goalkeeper...'

Modern Football

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

"Hey, after this, do you want to walk into a bar?"

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

"...now it's time for a round up of our national sports - soccer, cricket, and knocking the BBC...."

Plane crash on football pitch.

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'

Brazil vs Germany

'I'm from the First Infidelity Bank. I noticed you people drafted Tim Tebow in the first round last year and I'm here to talk to you about overdraft protection.'

'You can't go around writing graffiti on every wall you see!' (Football defensive wall).

The British relay team find a safe way of handing on the baton.

'I've sewn a little handkerchief pocket inside his shorts for phlegm.'

What's that annoying buzzing noise? (Vuvuzelas)

Football League - Concussions R Us.

'Football school pranks'

Pick Pocketing was so popular in London that it was included in the Baton relay.

'We're the only country where cats refer to this as playing with a ball of string. Everywhere else it's known as football.'

'Come here Sepp. I fancy a bite!'

Tokyo Olympics 2020