Smoking Satirists Gifts

How to get past the smoking ban in pubs.

'I can't afford em - Will you kill me?'

'Well, it killed me, but I did quit smoking.'

'I know, I know, but what the hell.'

'It's a filthy and nasty habit, but at least, you won't end up with yellow teeth...'

'He's an active, passive smoker.'

"I get the feeling he's a smoker."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

"I'm afraid the umbrella constitutes an enclosed space and must be taken down."

"More ashtray, nurse! For God's sake, more ashtray!"

'Which dog is named 'BOGART'?'

'Let's play some cards, boys. Oh, and by the way, the wife said if we figure out how to light these cigars we can smoke in the bowl.'

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"I only allow myself one after a meal - I'm now down to 43 meals a day!"

'Well actually, the only reason I put my head out of the window is that Master smokes while driving...'

'If you want to smoke, you'll have to go outside.'

"That's why you don't smoke near the dang cannon!"

'Well the dog's been passively smoking our fags for the past ten years, so I think it's only fair that he has a nicotene patch too.'

"He said if we don't let him in, he'll huff and he'll puff and he'll fill up our whole house with cigar smoke."

Grumpy man telling a teddy bear whoes watching TV to get out of his chair

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'I used to be a pack animal. Lately, I've become a two pack animal.'

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"Smoking causes cancer in humans. I'm canine."

Fish "Hey Kid, got a light?"

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

Prehistoric Cigarette Lighter

Tim's hopes for his safer smoking device were to be dashed when it failed to fit through the door...

''Stop smoking'? -- but my psychiatrist just told me to start!'

'The ones who smoke, masturbate... the ones who don't smoke, masturbate... is this a study on smoking or masturbation?'

"You should have mentioned in your resume that you could only do it once."

"See? Right there - it says bubblegum."

Snowman