Smoking Cynic Gifts

Riot policeman lights his cigarette with a protesters flaming bottle.

"Ironically, smokers get far more exercise now that they're restricted from almost everywhere."

"I once decided to stop smoking in the presence of idiots. Since that day I have never touched cigarettes again."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

"Lets get 100% behind the boss."

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Utopia - a necessarily restrictive and conformist social structure.

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

Will Self deprecation

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

Pollution Look

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

Once a politician is elected, his work is over.

Obama builds own gallows.

"Do I still believe in Santa Claus? I don't even believe in Congress."

"Everyone is so cynical these days."

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'That's it?'

"Nah...not really...he's only won one game!" (Clever dog).

'It's a deal -- I'll introduce a bill to bail out your country club, and you'll introduce a bill to bail out my country club!'

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'