Small-town Humorist Gifts

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Are you from a small town?'

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

I fart more than that!

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

A Venus cow trap.

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

I've been doing sit-ups!

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

Early American Think tank

COWS: Spare cow

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

'I'm afraid to a horse a carrot is just a carrot!'

Robinia Floribunda

"I stink... therefore, I am."

"Very few leave the grove!"

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

"Can you milk a cow?"