Small-town Satirist Gifts

"I've only travelled the ten miles to town once in my life - then my horse died!"

Small Town USA.

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Scarecrows guarding a field

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

German School

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"What are you doing?"

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

Harris, our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done.

"I learned about the despotism at the same time you did."

'It's heartbreaking to see Reynolds in trouble for fraud again, but I always look forward to his rooftop chases.'