Small Town Humor Gifts

"Parking isn't a problem here Sir, we're all tradionally skilled at car theft"

California Beverages Map

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

Early American Think tank

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

Close, but no cigar!

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

"Very few leave the grove!"

I'm a Smart-Cow!

'Sure, the farmer always shouts or whistles at me, but deep down, he's a softy...'

"You're free to range. Just stay away from that Tiffany—she's trouble."

Sinking Cow

Cow Moos With A Jersey Accent

"I told you everyone was moving out of the city!"

"We need any eggs?"

Note to self: Learn how to use Dictaphone!

'I'm the one who has to find them, so I embedded the locator chip in their wool!'

'Did you see Doctor Who last night?'

'She's waiting for her ship to come in, and I'm waiting for the cows to come home!'

Never use an electric can opener if you live next door to a cat lady.

10 pin bowling cows.

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

"I'm SICK of townies thinking they can let their animals run amok across my land chasing sheep..."

"We are going to un-friend you on facebook, you see if we don't!"

"My mistake Guvnor - I thought you said CRAP circles!"

"You're in my spot!"

'How very Putney!'

Before you leave...Do you have any feedback to help us improve our village?

"Welcome to New Jersey, the 'What is that smell?' state."