Small Town Humor Gifts

"Parking isn't a problem here Sir, we're all tradionally skilled at car theft"

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

California Beverages Map

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

Early American Think tank

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'Not faster than sound, Pete, think of the neighbors!'

Close, but no cigar!

"Very few leave the grove!"

'Sure, the farmer always shouts or whistles at me, but deep down, he's a softy...'

"You're free to range. Just stay away from that Tiffany—she's trouble."

"I told you everyone was moving out of the city!"

Cow Moos With A Jersey Accent

'I'm the one who has to find them, so I embedded the locator chip in their wool!'

Note to self: Learn how to use Dictaphone!

"We need any eggs?"

Sinking Cow

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

"I'm SICK of townies thinking they can let their animals run amok across my land chasing sheep..."

"My mistake Guvnor - I thought you said CRAP circles!"

10 pin bowling cows.

'She's waiting for her ship to come in, and I'm waiting for the cows to come home!'

"You're in my spot!"

'How very Putney!'

Before you leave...Do you have any feedback to help us improve our village?

Bless you!

"Welcome to New Jersey, the 'What is that smell?' state."