Small-town Humorist Pillows

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Are you from a small town?'

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

Cash Machines From Across the Land

I fart more than that!

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

A Venus cow trap.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'I think that our next door neighbor might have lived here.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

I've been doing sit-ups!

"Do you recognize the one who stole your tractor?"

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

COWS: Spare cow

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

"Daisy had twin bull calves. How'd you do?"

Early American Think tank

Cow has caught a frisby in his udders

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

'Of course there is room for advancement. You certainly can't go down from here.'

"It's been a rainy winter."

Thanks for the tip. Come again!

'Serves me right for frowning.'

"Very few leave the grove!"

I think we need to lose the 'Singing Ringing Tree'!