Homegrown Humorist Pillows

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

I fart more than that!

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

A Venus cow trap.

Yard Sale

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"No thanks, mom. I don't think I'll have any broccoli short cake."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'