Homebrew Humorist Pillows

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Teapot

Yard Sale

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Pi fight!

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Join me in a beer?

'Don't throw the little silicon chips away -- we may find a use for them someday.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'