Slothful Strategist Gifts

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Bummer Time Streaming

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

How the goat got square eyes.

Sad boss: "This one pretty much sums it up."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'Oh, I HATE IT when he does that thing with his mouth...TALKING!'

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'It's a silent protest.'

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

Targets

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

Facebookie - Odds on boss catching you wasting time

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"How about fashionably never?"

"It would keep me awake all night, but I'm up for a game of coffee pong first thing in the morning."

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'