Slothful Expert Gifts

I think the couch potatoes are going to make you their poster boy. Only if they send a photographer over --- I'm not moving.

Deaths from Coronavirus

"Mine's still in bed."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

How the goat got square eyes.

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

"Your call is important to us. Your estimated wait time is less than five hours."

Bummer Time Streaming

'I hate chick flicks!' 'Sniff...me too...'

"George is going for the Guinness World Record for just sitting."

If you rotate the corporate ladder by 90 degrees, you end up with monkey bars.

Let the profit-making begin!

'Late night with Norm Klosterman'

"Why am I flicking channels? Every channel's the sloth channel."

"I'd really let myself go. I hadn't shaved in days."

'Seem the remote?'

'Hey! You forgot the TV!'

"Behold, as I guide our conversation to my narrow area of expertise."

"Is it your intention to seethe for the next four years?"

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

Expert and Ex-Pert

Desert Island Slob.

"Define 'busy'...."

"So, how long have you two been in Ghana studying the apes?"

"Save! Save! "

100th Anniversary of the Battle of the Somme

"What's wrong- nothing to rave about?"

'No, we don't have invisible fence, Dear. Grandpa's allowed to get out of the chair.'

'I watch 7 hours of TV a day - more if there's anything worth watching. . .'

"Think of how ashamed they'd be if they knew their Father hogged the restroom key."

"Under self-isolation rules, you can make a start on reading your impressive range of pretentious books, can't you?"

"It's axiomatic that any line in which I'm interested will be discontinued"