Slothful Sage Gifts

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

That party went well.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

How the goat got square eyes.

'You're right, Mr. Benson, no question about it...I agree...yes! Absolutely! Yes...yes...'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Mitch learns he is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

'He lives in a house, and it's by the side of the road, but he's still not a friend to man.'

Bummer Time Streaming

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

'Late night with Norm Klosterman'

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

"I'd really let myself go. I hadn't shaved in days."

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

'Wisdom is the comb that life gives you after you lose your hair!'

"It says we're incompatible, I'm Virgo and you're stupid."

'Seem the remote?'

"Whistleblowers have nothing to fear in this department and if you need proof just ask the caretaker, our former head of services!"

'I don't have any friends....even when I tried to find one on Facebook, no one even there wanted to be a Facebook Friend!'

"Look Baldo, I know I'm your 'boss'...but nothing has really 'changed'."

"Define 'busy'...."

'Do you have any enemies?' - 'No, only a lot of friends who hate me.'

Desert Island Slob.

"Actually, I wasn't paying any attention to what you just said, but I LOOK interested and engaged, don't I? Cosmetic Eyebrow Surgery!! It's totally changed my LIFE!!"

'The evening was enjoyable until the curtain went up...'