Slothful Spirit Gifts

How the goat got square eyes.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Mine's still in bed."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

Homo Zapiens

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'Boy, there are days I feel like doing even less than I usually do...'

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

"I'm not whining."

"George is going for the Guinness World Record for just sitting."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

Bummer Time Streaming

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

Bashful Royal Guard

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."