Slothful Spirit Pillows

How the goat got square eyes.

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Mine's still in bed."

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

Homo Zapiens

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your fitness watch: It's just that you haven't moved enough to trigger it..."

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

'Boy, there are days I feel like doing even less than I usually do...'

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

Bummer Time Streaming

Bashful Royal Guard

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"Fetch!" "Sorry, I'm on a break."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"I'm not whining."

"You're taking this 'King Of Beasts' thing too seriously."

"So, Ben, what do you want to be when you stop sponging off your parents?"