Slothful Humorist Pillows

"Define 'busy'...."

"I'd really let myself go. I hadn't shaved in days."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

How the goat got square eyes.

'Food fight!'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

"I'm having a bad forehead day."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

Bummer Time Streaming

Museum Guard Portrait

'Late night with Norm Klosterman'

'Seem the remote?'

"Last year I didn't meet any of my work goals, so this year my goal is to fail at everything"

Bad Scalp Day

"Why am I flicking channels? Every channel's the sloth channel."

Scream Shrink

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

"Pierce and Pebble, Solicitors. Here's a writ for you to appear in court for harrassment of our client, Dr Faustus."

"Are you sure you should be on this list?!"

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

'Loser on Board'

"Society is so PC these days - I can't even poke fun at myself without offending someone."

Desert Island Slob.

'He said I was one in a million but forgot to tell me about the other nine hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine.'

'I claim this mountain in the name of all underachievers everywhere!'

Man being prodded into hell by a demon meets a charity collector with clipboard, asking: 'Hello, could I have five minutes of your time?'

Uneasy lies the head that wears a cheap toupee to bed.