Slothful Comedian Pillows

Desert Island Slob.

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

How the goat got square eyes.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Express Barber Chair. 10 Hairs or Less

"What if my inner demons want to write about bunnies?"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

"George is going for the Guinness World Record for just sitting."

Bummer Time Streaming

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

'Late night with Norm Klosterman'

Bad Scalp Day

'Seem the remote?'

"I'd really let myself go. I hadn't shaved in days."

Deadly Sins Dept. Envy. Lust. Sloth. Pride. Greed. Wrath. Gluttony. At times it seems like it should be, but "oversharing" is not a deadly sin.

Uncomfortably open Mike night.

I think the couch potatoes are going to make you their poster boy. Only if they send a photographer over --- I'm not moving.

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

"This could be a job for....Slothman. Nahhh."

'I'm not asking you to lie - I'm just asking you to go insane.'

"Define 'busy'...."

I know it's been ages since my last confession, but I trust you've been getting my texts?

Blight at the end of the tunnel

"Somehow, I can't consider taking home all the hospital food I want as a perk for working here."

"The beatings will continue until morale improves."

Sad Humour

"What's wrong- nothing to rave about?"