Slacking Strategist Gifts

Facebookie - Odds on boss catching you wasting time

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'Let's go! Let's go! Hustle! ...Relatively speaking.'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'Everything is automatic. The coffee turns on at 7:00...They go to work at 7:25 and we go up and get in their bed.'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'Oh, I HATE IT when he does that thing with his mouth...TALKING!'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

'It's a silent protest.'

'You'll want Mr. Pigglesworth's version of the story too, I assume?'

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'You should have seen me sooner, Mr. Fenswick.'