Ruthless Strategist Gifts

"Someday a prestigious business school will erect a statue in his honor."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

'Oh, I HATE IT when he does that thing with his mouth...TALKING!'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'No, Bob, I haven't noticed you haven't spoken to me in 3 days... I just thought we were getting along.'

Book on Thumb Twiddling

'It's a silent protest.'

Targets

Facebookie - Odds on boss catching you wasting time

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

Bummer Time Streaming

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

'I hate these non-hostile takeovers...'

"Bottom line - don't forget to lie."

'Well you know the old saying... if you can't beat 'em you can always google someone who can.'

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."

'Are you sure this is the best strategy to find new customers?'

"Palmer, I want you to see to the legwork; Moscowitz, you'll be my eyes and ears."