Sky-high Healthcare Fan Gifts

Flying NHS Walk-in Centre

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

DIY marriage counseling.

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Krazy straw"

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.