Healthcare Worker Fan Gifts

'Try not to take offense when he says - 'Of all the hip joints in all the world etc etc.''

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

First aid in mountains

Corona Funeral

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Darn it, lost another swab."

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Give me your sick...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

'I hope you all appreciate the irony in this.'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Paramedics.

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

Therapy for the cow dependent

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

'Whew! Five surgeries in one day! Well, let's try to make this last one end on a happy note!'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."