Trendy Healthcare Fan Gifts

"I love boutique healthcare! I have a great doctor on retainer and I get this great subscription box every month!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

DIY marriage counseling.

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"How do you feel about turning over?"

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"Try taking baby steps."

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

"My Harvard Medical Guide says if a wisdom tooth is infected, you may need antibiotics and possibly have the tooth pulled by an oral surgeon."

Flying NHS Walk-in Centre

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

Last chance for dream analysis.