Quirky Healthcare Fan Gifts

'He can't stand the sight of blood.'

"Okay lets close up. Oooh wait...wishbone!"

Hospital Sign: Admissions, Outpatient, Drive Thru.

'Doctor, Mr. Flynn says since his surgery, he's been thirsty all the time. Do you think you could have left a sponge in him?'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

'During the heart-transplant, since it was your birthday, I went ahead and added two more inches, no charge.'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

"Yes, I have seen people in worse health than you. But, they were all dead."

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

NHS Trust Hospital: Management Team/Medical Staff

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

"Sorry Mr Penrose. We forgot to shake your medicine this morning."

'Doctor, I thought I was the one who was supposed to say Ahh.'

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

"Actually, I didn't become dizzy and nauseous until I started inhaling the scent strips in the waiting room magazines."

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

Sewing Machines in Surgery

General Hospital sign.

'Gesundheit! You must have an uncommon cold.'

'You've got Finklestein's syndrome!' - 'Are you Finklestein?'

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"

"Jazz fusion, modern country or my podcast - my podcast it is!"

Hi, my name's Pam and I'll be your paramedic for the evening.