Sky-high Healthcare Fan Pillows

Flying NHS Walk-in Centre

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"Has it occurred to you that you keep getting beaten up because that's your true purpose in life?"

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

"Hey, this anti-depressant you've come up with really works"

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

"Krazy straw"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

'What kind of side effects do you enjoy?'

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

Dentist as psychoanalyst with tooth patient on couch

Therapy for the cow dependent

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

J. Greeble, MD: Practice limited to simple, straightforward, old-fashioned diseases.

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

'If they weren't so damned good we might feel a bit more excited about the figures.'

"Sorry for the delay in fulling your prescription. Since you brought it in there has been two new side effects we have to add to the label."

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."