Singles Humorist Gifts

Unmanned Drones.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Radiator jazz player

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

Tunnel of Like.

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

Elevator Music

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

Rap-scallions

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Daffodil bulbs

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!