Music Humorist Gifts

Out of tuna

Man playing huge complicated brass instrument.

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

The Dangers of Musical Notes.

"O.K.number two, now put your right foot in and shake it all about."

'Take it easy, Mr. Simms, or I will put you on hold to one of those musical jingles you can't get out of your head.'

'The Orginial Big Band sound'

Concert pianist.

The only thing worse than elevator music is being stuck on an elevator with someone who loves it.

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto, Number One, first movement."

Musician Sneezing Musical Notes

'I lost all respect for my Organ-Grinder when I realized he was not playing but merely turning the handle! That's when I left him...'

Early bagpipes prototype show Scottish man playing a wailing cat.

'Go and tell the man with the Eric Dolphy CD down his trousers that's not what we mean by free jazz.'

Street signs in Motown.

You are on hold. Press One for Vivaldi...

Erica Duvale, piano - Beethoven - Total of opus numbers...

Nokia tunes.

Meet the Beetles

"Surprising how few know you also get a harp down here to carry around for eternity."

Quartet in the snow.

'Thank you for calling the sex pistols advice line. However, there's no point in asking as you'll get no reply.'

'The drum roll is very nice... but it's still leftovers.'

"How's everybody doing tonight on a scale of zero to ten, with then being the worst you've ever felt?"

"I understand you're keen. Sorry but there's no squawking part in our production."

Cedric instantly regretted 'pumping up the jam...'

"Clarence really knew how to tickle the ivories."

Jesus Drops the Mic

". . . and now follows a very quiet and beautiful inspired version of "Rudolph the red nosed reindeer"!"

Tuba players shouldn't be boxers --- They're always making low blows.

Violin for Sale...Thank Goodness

Elevator Music

The Piper

Scotsman Playing Cow Bagpipes.

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'