Singleton Humorist Gifts

Sex is for Procreation Only.

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

'You've had enough!'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

Drunken singers in a public house

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"The Armour seems okay, it must be a touch of rheumatism."

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

Boyfriend Shirt.

Old West Saloon Has Revolving Door Put In

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

Dorothy's illiteracy becomes all too painfully apparent.

Tea Cup Ride

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

"I knew you'd like this place."

Congratulations on your Plutonium Anniversary

Caffeine-Free Kickstart Vending Machine

"It's the only way I can get myself out of bed in the morning."

Snow White and the Seven Concern Trolls

Why so sad? All my friends are divorced and I'm not even married!

How To Saint . . .

The Loneliest Archaeologist

'Anyone here answer to the name 'The Eldorado Kid'?'

"The wheels on the Mercedes C300 Sport Sedan mommy got in the divorce settlement go round and round, round and round ..."