Singleton Humorist Gifts

It's Saturday night. You're watching the Dateless Channel.

Sex is for Procreation Only.

Valentine Gift think tank for single men who never get married

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

Drunken singers in a public house

'It's hard finding a caring,sensitive and good looking man. Most of them already have boyfriends.'

"And there we have it, gentlemen! The first full face transplant swap of twins."

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

"Look, if it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, who was doing all the snoring?!"

"The Armour seems okay, it must be a touch of rheumatism."

'Sigh - Yes, I will probably be dying alone.'

'I think you're mistaking me for my twin sister.'

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

Boyfriend Shirt.

'...But I confessed to Oprah...isn't that in there?'

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

Old West Saloon Has Revolving Door Put In

Tea Cup Ride

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

Dorothy's illiteracy becomes all too painfully apparent.

"I knew you'd like this place."

The waitress wants me, Lars. I can tell by the dirty things she's been saying to me. "Bottomless cup of coffee" isn't dirty, Al.

Congratulations on your Plutonium Anniversary

Caffeine-Free Kickstart Vending Machine

"It's the only way I can get myself out of bed in the morning."

Snow White and the Seven Concern Trolls

'Anyone here answer to the name 'The Eldorado Kid'?'

'Do the patches help?'

"The wheels on the Mercedes C300 Sport Sedan mommy got in the divorce settlement go round and round, round and round ..."