Saloon Humorist Gifts

Old West Saloon Has Revolving Door Put In

'Anyone here answer to the name 'The Eldorado Kid'?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

What price beauty?

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Watch yourself, stranger. I've got an itchy trigger finger."

"Listen honey, I don't claim to be no expert but I reckon you're going about this cowpuncher thing the whole wrong way."

'Soon as the roundup is over and we head for a saloon we'll need a volunteer to be the designated drover.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"This time lick my entire body."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'I was in one of them tooth for a tooth squabbles.'

"This hot tub isn't big enough for both of us either."

'I'm having what he's having.'

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

Washing Massive Cup.

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"I can watch more 'Law & Order' than any man in this bar."

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'

"I tried shutting my mouth and opening my mind, but then I remembered it's better to give than to receive."