Bar Stool Humorist Gifts

"What? Did I say something reasonable?"

Cowboy on barstool with stirrups.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"You'll know when I've had enough. You'll have to wipe up the mess."

"I gotta say: I admire his judicial temperament."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

'Three things I don't think we should talk about ... politics, religion, and everything else!'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"I only drink to be sociable. . . if it's any of your business!"

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'The liquor store was overstocked, and it seemed like a shame to let it all go to waste.'

Old West Saloon Has Revolving Door Put In

People talking through a stethoscope.

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."