Bar Stool Humorist Gifts

"What? Did I say something reasonable?"

Cowboy on barstool with stirrups.

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

Complementary Beverages

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"She said don't forget the straw."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"I gotta say: I admire his judicial temperament."

Bar, My dog doesn't understand me.

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"I only drink to be sociable. . . if it's any of your business!"

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

"You'll know when I've had enough. You'll have to wipe up the mess."

'It's from the local microbrewery.'

'Three things I don't think we should talk about ... politics, religion, and everything else!'

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

Old West Saloon Has Revolving Door Put In

'The liquor store was overstocked, and it seemed like a shame to let it all go to waste.'