Silly Historians Gifts

The Spoonish Inquisition

"If you're tired of stegosaur, go kill something else."

Archimedes statue with a lever

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Let's have some fun kids, he says, let's play Easter Island."

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

Ransom Library. Oh, that's just Henry … He's a history buff. Wild West.

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

Hieroglyphic disco dancer

Hazardous substance - ignitable, corrosive, reactive, toxic, real smelly, yucchy.

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"You look good for your age."

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

Useless-memory lane

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

"We thought it would be more fun than just walking the plank."

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

"Hydro density apparatus invention? Go away - I'm not disturbing his bath for that!"

"Tell you what, Mark, when we write the gospels, better edit out that bit."

Ancient man

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....