Ironical Historian Gifts

"That's right, it's @kingphilbert3rd... Yeah, with a P-H... That's him, yep, now tap "follow"..."

'Cannonball!'

"You're on a what?!"

Archimedes statue with a lever

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Made in China

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

COWMIKAZES

"Professor, this changes everything."

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

Titanic iceberg auction

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

'We knew of your return from your round the world trip - we could smell you a mile away!'

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

A caveman attempting to make a cart

'I can not tell a lie concerning the cherry tree: mistakes were made. However, I must consult with my spin doctors before saying more.'

"Don't try to blame this mess on your father!"

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

"My book is actually about 12th century Etruscan pottery but I thought it might sell better if I aimed it at the children's market."

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Mummy has set up a pulley system in his sarcophagus.

"You look good for your age."

"This is your great-great-great grandfather Luis. He met your great-great-great-grandmother at the store where she worked. He was there to buy a lawn mower! She sold him a sheep. They hadn't invented law mowers."

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

Useless-memory lane

"Well they look pretty undocumented to me."

"Nothing about selling inside trade secrets?"

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party