Showbiz Devotee Gifts

The 'Vatican Idol' auditions begin.

Showbiz Awards

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"True crime meets reality TV"

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

Music Hall Dancers

The 24-Hour Celebrities Doing Something Stupid Channel.

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

'I'm a star!'

Hollywood producer.

Cleaner cleaning under the feet of the dancers as they perform

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

'I'm not a magician, but I do keep live doves in my pants.'

'She got all the soap opera channels at a discount -- it's some kind of 'frequent cryer' program.'

Animal Actors

TV stage door

Child star Fatty Deposits humiliates Zippy, The Wonderdog, on the set of their latest movie, 'Too Cute For Comfort'....

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

"Yes, Your Honor. I am Mr. Brandon, Mr. Shindelbower's attorney, along with his agent and publicist."

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

"You may now phony show-biz kiss the bride."