Shopping Critics Gifts

Valu-Mart Price Scanner: Piece of Junk.

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"This is a big seller, and we get them cheap...from China."

Pam learned the importance of browser support.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

'Can you wear something quieter than those old corduroys?'

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"I think your tailor has seriously miscalculated your rise, Herbert."

'I've got one of those wobbly forwards trolleys!'

GM Foods.

'I tried on these jeans. I didn't think they were stretch jeans, but they stretched.'

How to recognize a German tourist...

"This would be perfect! If it were a different style, in a different color, from a different store."

Mirror, mirror, oval in shape, who's that pretentious beret-wearing ape?

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

The Bob Dole Home-Shopping Network

"I take it this is why it's called Brickview Estates."

'What's with kids nowadays and tattoos?'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

End Of Consumer Confidence Sale

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. . . already marked down for clearance and it's not even Halloween yet."

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

Financial Christmas

Style Consultant

Man in carriage waiting for shopping wife

The way I look at it...give a man a fish and you got a potential customer. Teach a man to fish and you lose market share.

"...There was no such thing as ordering it through the interwebs, or whatever the heck you call it."

"My tailor just won't accept that I've grown as a person."

"Do you have any camouflage pants? I want to hide my hips."

'...Proof that once there were small business on Mars!'

Canadian PM, Stephen Harper, and Queen Elizabeth II.

"Wow, that dress doesn't leave anything to the imagination. Unfortunately."